Painting
by Platonic1
Summary: "Squall, to me, you are like a masterful painting in a museum that can never be touched but only admired from afar."


Painting

They were the heroes. They had triumphed over an evil sorceress and saved the world. The whole garden was in a celebratory mood upon their return. Everyone retreated to their quarters after the grand party. Tomorrow was going to be the first day free from the oppression of an evil sorceress. Tomorrow was going to be the first day of their happily ever after. But it was different for Selphie.

After an exhausting ordeal, they all decided to sleep in. It was almost noon by the time the whole gang got together again in Headmaster Cid's office. Everyone was present except Selphie.

Cid cleared his throat and began, "Now that everyone is here—"

Before he could continue, Irvine interjected, "Aren't we missing Selphie?"

"I will get back to that. But first, let me officially congratulate you on defeating Ultimecia. The world will never forget your heroic deeds. To commemorate this historic event the gardens have created special medallions in your honor."

"Awesome!" Zell reacted with a fist pump.

"Xu, if you will," Cid said gesturing towards Xu.

Xu held the medals and Cid pinned them on the heroes one by one.

"Quistis, you are a prodigy. We are happy to inform you that we are reinstating you as an instructor."

"It is my honor, Sir," she said, barely able to contain her smile.

"Zell, you have proven yourself to be among the best in close quarters combat. I hope you continue to improve and set a benchmark for upcoming students."

"Will do my best," Zell replied.

"Irvine, a Galbadian student with immense talent. I hope you can teach your sharpshooting skills to our students."

"I am at your service," Irvine remarked.

"Rinoa, people are afraid of the sorceress, but it is up to you to change that perception with love and kindness."

"I will always do that, Sir," Rinoa responded.

"Squall, the best warrior the garden has ever seen. I am very proud of you."

"Thank you, Sir." Squall said as Cid pinned the medal on him.

"Sir, where is Selphie? She is an integral part of this team."

"Ah, yes, she left for Trabia today morning to help with their Garden reconstruction efforts."

"She left?" Irvine couldn't believe it.

"She did not even say goodbye," Quistis commented.

"That is unlike her," Zell added.

"When will she be back, Sir?" asked Rinoa.

"I am not sure. She has officially requested to transfer back to Trabia."

'She could have at least stayed one day with us before leaving. I wonder if everything is okay,' Squall thought.

"Anyway, you guys are off for the rest of the day so relax and enjoy. Dismiss."

Everyone made their way out, still discussing Selphie's sudden disappearing act.

Squall couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong. Selphie was a very reliable friend, and it was unlike her to just leave like this.

It was evening and everyone was busy getting ready for their outing. They were supposed to go to Dollet for dinner and party. Rinoa had gone to Quistis's room, leaving him all alone.

He couldn't stop thinking about Selphie so he decided to check out her room, which was a few rooms down the corridor from his.

He entered the room, and it was empty. He had been in her room a few times before, so he knew where she had placed everything. But now, there was nothing in the room. No pictures, no guitar, no nunchakus, and no clothes. The only trace of Selphie was the lingering smell of her perfume.

He sat down on her bed as all the memories of their time together started coming back to him. "I will find out why you left like this," he said to the empty room.

He sat there quietly for a few minutes before deciding to go back to his room and get ready for their outing.

As he was making his way out, something caught his eyes. In the recycling bin, he saw a torn picture of himself. With curiosity, he approached the bin to examine it closely. The bin only had two items in it: pieces of a torn picture and a torn piece of paper with something written on it.

He picked up a piece of torn paper and immediately recognized Selphie's handwriting. He took out all the pieces of the torn picture and paper and spread it on the floor.

He aligned all the pieces of the picture together like a jigsaw puzzle. It was a picture of him and Selphie on the day of their graduation in Cid's office. They had their official SeeD picture taken there. But Cid insisted that they should take pictures with each other to remember this moment. After much persistence from Selphie, he had agreed to take a picture with her. She had one arm wrapped around the shoulder of Squall and other arm was raised high in triumph. Looking at that picture brought a smile to Squall's face. This was their only picture together.

'Wait! Why did she tear this picture? Did I do something wrong?' he wondered as his heart panicked.

Next, he worked to assemble pieces of paper. Luckily, it was torn only a few times, so it was easy to put it back together. He noticed that some writing was smudged because the ink must have smeared from water.

'Why would Selphie write something, then tear it up? And why is there water on this letter?' he wondered. He started reading the letter:

Squall, I am sorry, but I must go. I can't live like this anymore. It hurts so much.

When I first came to Balamb Garden, I literally ran into you. Ever since then I've been trying to run away from you, but I can't. Ever since I first laid my eyes on you, I knew you were special.

When we were escaping from X-ATM092, you slowed down so I could run ahead of you. You put your life in danger so I could be safe. No one has ever done anything like that for me. No one has ever sacrificed anything to make me happy. You were the first to do that. I did not know what happiness felt like until that moment.

I had gathered all the courage in the world to ask you for a dance during our graduation ceremony. But, by the time I finished some errands and came back, you were already dancing with someone else. It sank my heart. It hurt.

I hoped that our first mission would give us time to get to know each other and get closer. But that hope died down the moment I saw that Rinoa was our client.

When I saw you get impaled by Edea's ice spear, I felt the pain I had never experienced before. I wished it was me instead of you. I wished I could take away your pain, but there was nothing I could do but watch.

When I saw you in Fisherman's Horizon, my heart leaped with joy. But I soon realized how much your relationship with Rinoa had grown by then. Squall, I have never loved anyone before. You are my first love. I loved you beyond reason and that's why it was so hard for me to see you with Rinoa. I was not depressed because the Garden Festival stage was destroyed, I was depressed because no matter how much I wished, I could not be with you.

I had decided to keep my distance from you, but then you came to me. You tried to cheer me up, which was out of your character, but you did it for me. This was one of the rare instances where you showed that you cared for me. At that time, I did not know what to feel. The person for the cause of my depression and the person trying to cheer me up was the same person. I decided to put my feeling on hold and put on a brave face for you. We threw a concert to celebrate your promotion.

I know what it feels like to be away from someone you love. It was me who encouraged Rinoa to be your date. She is so much prettier than me. She has a way of getting to you which I don't. The truth is, I never felt that I was good enough for you. That is why I never revealed my feelings for you.

I was there with you when you were carrying Rinoa to Esthar. I saw your pain, but you did not see mine. I saw you jump into space to rescue Rinoa and all I wanted to do was to jump behind to make sure you are safe.

I was there in the flower field, looking at you from a distance, as you made your promise to Rinoa. I could see your happiness, but no one could see my pain.

I was there standing next to you when you defeated Ultimecia. I was looking at you, but you were looking at Rinoa. When we all got back from the Time Compression, I did not see you there. I panicked and went back into Time Compression, and started looking for you. I started running through the mountains, the desert, and the plains. I looked for you in Timber, Balamb, Galbadia, and Esthar but you were nowhere to be found. I suddenly realized that you must be in the flower field, so I came there. I saw you lying on the ground. As I was making my way towards you, I saw Rinoa walking from the other end. I stopped in my track as she approached you and wake you up. You woke up, but I felt like I had died from the inside.

I had accepted that I will always be an outside observer in your life and I was okay with it. At least that's what I thought until I saw you two in the balcony kissing. It was one thing to know you guys were a couple, but it was another to see it with my own eyes.

One of the first things we learn in our training is to keep emotions out of your decision-making. I have done that over and over again. But, no more, I don't have the strength. I have hidden behind the mask of a cheerful and carefree girl for far too long. For once I just want to be honest with myself and cry. I am sorry I am not strong enough to watch you be with someone else.

I believe I have been professional in our mission of defeating Ultimecia. I have never let my feelings get in the way of our mission. But now that the mission is over, there is nothing binding me here. I have decided to go away from here and go away from you. I will miss my friends. But the pain of missing my friends pales in comparison to the pain of seeing you with someone else. I am sorry for leaving like this. But I am only human, my heart can only take so much pain.

Squall, I wish you nothing but happiness and joy. I would gladly give you my share of happiness if that were an option. I've heard that people do crazy things when they are in love; now I know what that craziness feels like.

It's funny that I am writing all this. I have no intention of sharing this letter with you. Don't worry, I will never get between you and Rinoa. I know how much you love her and I will always honor that. The only reason I am even writing all this is that putting all these pent-up feelings into words helps ease my pain.

Squall, to me, you are like a masterful painting in a museum that can never be touched but only admired from afar.

I am sorry for loving you.

Farewell,  
Selphie

"Oh, Selphie." Squall was devastated to read her confession. He would need some time to process all this.

He gathered all the pieces and carefully placed them in his pocket.

"Oh, there you are. I've been looking all over the place for you," chimed Rinoa from the door. "Come on, everyone is waiting for you. We have to leave now to get to Dollet in time."

"Rinoa, you guys can go without me. I am not coming."

"Why? What happened?"

"I need to go to Trabia."


End file.
